Aftermath
by Rowen Hashiba Of Tenku Co
Summary: Sequel to "Seiji, What Are You Doing?". Musings of the two Troopers. Song-fic.


Aftermath  
The sequel to "Seiji, What Are You Doing?"  
By Fallon Sanada  
  
A/N: This was done just because I could. I don't own Yoroiden Samurai Troopers, Pink, or her song "Don't Let Me Get Me". Song-fic with the aforementioned song. Please read and review. Lyrics jump around quite a bit because I have yet to get my hands on the real lyrics. Feel for me, I'm going by memory. v_v  
NOTE: //text// means it's a line from the song.  
BTW, the first-person alternates with each line of the song, between Touma and Seiji. And NO SHOUNEN-AI! *bows* Thank you.  
  
  
//Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe me something//  
  
I still can't believe this is all happening. From the day that I found Seiji with the knife until now, my life's been a total roller coaster, and I'm not in charge of where it's going.  
Seiji is my best friend, and he almost died. That scared me. It reminded me of all the people who I cared about and whom I would die for if it came to that. The idea that they could take their own lives is petrifying.  
Then I get to thinking, what if I hadn't been so tired that night? What if I hadn't happened upon Seiji when he had that knife? Would he be around?  
I just get so scared of that...  
  
//To be in the life of someone else//  
  
I wish Shin would stop asking where I got those scars on my wrists. I think he's catching on.  
Dammit.  
My grandfather would flip if he found out that I tried to kill myself.. My whole family would.  
But then again, I should feel safe. Touma promised that no one else would know about this. Not even the other Troopers.  
I feel kind of guilty about keeping this from them, but it's for the best. They'd probably try and sympathize, remove all sharp and pointy things from the house, etcetera. But not Touma. He trusts me, like the others wouldn't trust me. He knows I won't do it again..  
..Right?  
  
//'Cuz I'm a hazard to myself//  
  
It's hard to live keeping secrets from your friends. Constantly I feel that pressure, that weight on my shoulders that makes it hard to go on. But I have to.  
I worry a lot, about myself, and about the others. I worry about what would happen if they were gone, if they died. And then I wonder how I would feel, if I would die if one of them did.  
How would they feel if I died?  
  
//Don't let me get me//  
  
My older sister Yayoi is worried about me. She wants to know why I'm so worried lately. I always shrug it off, change the subject. She isn't convinced. She never is.  
Sometimes I actually think about doing it again, but I realize soon after that thought what it would do to Touma. After the "incident", he told me how he would feel if I killed myself.. He said he'd die too, if only in spirit. He told me I was his best friend.  
I could never do it, now.  
  
//I'm my own worst enemy//  
  
I wake up, sometimes, in the middle of the night. It's strange because I never did before. I wake up sweating, sometimes even crying, because I was dreaming of what would happen if he had died.  
It scares the heck outta me, and even Shu's starting to notice my acting weird, and lack of sleep.  
I wonder why it was this way?  
  
//So irritating, don't wanna be my friend no more//  
  
It's so strange, everything that's happening, and everything that will happen.  
My family expects me to be the heir, the one who will take over, the perfect son. They have no idea how imperfect I am.  
I wish I were someone else, now. Someone with a normal family, a normal life, or at least semi-normal (not "normal" because that would be boring). Someone who didn't have to be perfect all of their lives just to get anywhere at all.  
Touma and myself are alike in the need to be "perfect". I'm expected to be perfect, and Touma chooses to be that way in an attempt to get his parents to notice him. We know how the other feels in that respect.  
I don't know, though. Maybe I wouldn't want to be someone else, if I got the choice. Besides, if I were someone else, I wouldn't know Touma, would never have met him and the guys and had such great adventures.  
I think for now I'll just be me.  
  
//I wanna be somebody else//  
  
  
  
A/N: Expect more on this theme! I'll be writing a "true" sequel (with the others, too, and in third-person!) soon, and I hope it'll be good! Please review! I live on those things! Like it, love it, hate it beyond all belief? Let me know!  
Thanks!  
-Fallon S.- 


End file.
